You may have noticed from my bio that I am an Alpha Female in the canine realm. This simply means that I RULE and I am shocked everytime I go out to see that there are still other dogs out there. How dare they exist? What nerve! Rest assured, dear Reader, that I express my outrage at this transgression as loudly and aggressively as possible via earsplitting barking and snarling, with a heapin’ helpin’ of badass attitude. During car rides (one of my favorite activities by the way) I have been known to go Postal at the sight of random roadside walkers, simply because they might be walking a dog….you just never know.
Now I know you’re saying “But Miss Lucille, you’re a Labrador. Aren’t they supposed to be goofy and friendly? Lots of licking and slobbery stuff?” Well, yes and no. Most of those simpering idiots are not Alphas. They’re just…well, ordinary dogs. Big ones, little ones, short ones, fat ones, yappers, lappers, and way too many crappers. There are just too darn many of my fellow canids which brings me to the point of today’s dissertation: Population Control.
From what I hear tell this is also a problem with you two legged types as well. 6 billion and counting. (what if they all had dogs? Aye Carimba!) Now I’m just a beastly beast but it sure seems to me that this rock we’re all floating through space on can’t possibly support this many people (and all their pets…) in equally satisfactory ways. We need a massive population control effort and we need it NOW! Spaying and neutering for both pets and people, now that’s an idea who’s time has come. I personally have been spayed since I was a youngster and I highly recommend it. No messy birth control for me.
The good news is that this new president guy with the funny name just lifted something called “The Gag Rule” regarding gov’t funding and birth control clinics. (and I thought gagging was just what happened when I ate too much grass). Anyway, this is all a little over my furry head, but as I understand it, The Gag Rule meant that any health clinic worldwide that received US funding was very limited in what services they could offer, or even talk about. Many humanoids were counseled simply to just to “not do it”.
Now there’s some realistic and helpful advice for you.
Any violation of this rule meant loss of funding and a lot of these places were/are dependent on this US money to survive. Of course one would have to wonder what they needed the money for given how limited they were in what they could offer. Kind of a Catch 22, whatever that is….
Fortunately, with the new ruling all these places are now free to go about their business unfettered by silly and and repressive politics.
To which I exclaim: Halleleuja!
Now if only we could do something about all those other dogs…and cats. OMG! DON’T get me going on the subject of cats. I’m hairing up just thinking about it.
So, as the only dog who really truly has the right to exist,
I remain, Her Most Alpha-ness
Miss Lucille
